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Pop Culture The Tea The Word 3 minute read

EMPIRE Recap – Head with no Body / Tail with No Takers

Black women and men were counting down to the Empire premiere the way a kid counts down to Christmas.  I, like every other Black person besides Ben Carson, tuned in to last night’s premiere.  Here are my observations:

 

  • There were more cameos in the premiere than a Drake album

 

  • Chris Rock was the least scary person on the entire show.  He’s not even scary enough to play a prison guard, much less a prison inmate.  The producers tried so hard with him—making one eye dead, playing Nightmare on Elm street music.  Didn’t work.  He’s just too skinny.  When he an Luscious did the soul dap, I was afraid Luscious would hurt him.  Casting FAIL.

 

  • The jail scenes didn’t seem very authentic.  Seemed to be a bunch of guys in orange suits just hanging out in someone’s living room.  I think getting a little consultation from the folks from “Orange is the new Black” could’ve been beneficial

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  • “You are trying too hard.  Move”  Love when Marisi Tomeii dismissed the woman who was trying to hit on her.  Wound’t it just be fantastic to use that line when someone is working on your last nerve when you are out socializing?

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  • The man’s head in the box seemed a bit extra—a bit over the TOP.

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  • My two favorite Cookie lines: “You can’t even dyke right.” and “Why are crying like Tammy Faye Baker”

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  • I’m finally looking at Gabourey Sidibe and not seeing Precious.  Last season, that’s all I could see and I kept waiting for Monique to jump out from behind a desk at Empire and start wailing on her.

 

  • Isn’t that just like a guy?  Luscious actually has the audacity to be mad that Cookie had not come to visit him in prison when he had never visited her when she was in prison.

 

  • This is a fact: we don’t want you men to become murderers, but every woman got a little tingly last night from looking at Luscious’ face when Cookie told her that she and his family were in trouble.  All women want a man that they know will handle things.

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  • Lastly, Luscious illustrated the saying “money talks and bullshit walks” by buying the in-prison assassins.  Sorry Chris—but you would’ve been someone’s girlfriend within a week anyway if you had not died.

 

The music, the fashion and the over-the-top drama has me hooked like stripped bass—hooked!

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